It’s Getting Hot In Here, So Take Off All Your Clothes

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Burning Down the House.”

Your home is on fire. Grab five items (assume all people and animals are safe). What did you grab?

My home is on fire? That figures… now that I no longer live in the house that I had hoped would go up in flames for half a decade or longer. This is why I don’t gamble.

Any who… if my home was on fire, I can only assume that I would be in the shower at that time. Because, convenience has never been a friend of mine.

So, the first item I would grab: A TOWEL!

Do I really need to give an explanation for this one??

The second item I would grab (while holding onto the towel with my other hand) would be: My Makeup Bag

There’s bound to be at least one hot Fireman on the way.

The third item: My cell phone

I’m going to need some way to save the hot Fireman’s number… and a way for him to call me later….

Fourth item: My Journal 

With my kind of luck, it would only partially burn and someone would read what was left. That “someone” most likely being the hot Fireman… Then I would have to change my name and leave the country.

And now… my Fifth and final item: My I.D. 

I’ll need it to get shitfaced at the bar later. After I realize that I didn’t grab anything of importance during the fire and that I am now SHOE LESS!!! 

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Betrayal’s Web

dew

Betrayal greets you at the door
With a friendly smile
And a warm embrace

It draws you in
Through misled trust
And portrays itself
As your closest friend

It entraps the mind
Through web weaved lies
Spewing hollow words
Full of empty praise

And weeps like rain
On a stormy day
When the slightest doubt
Threatens to unveil its skin

It digs into your deepest realm
Where every shameful memory dwells
And plucks them, intently
Like a thief

To hold your crest
High,
Above your head
Tainted by deceit

Agree to Disagree…? You must have me confused with someone willing to compromise

Do you have a good friend or close relative with whom you disagree on a major issue (political, personal, cultural)? What’s the issue, and how do you make the relationship work?

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Agree to Disagree.”

First off, agreeing to disagree is nothing more than a “White Flag Waiver”, surrendering in defeat. And I’m hardly a “Quiter”. If you have enough guts to step up to the line and challenge me to a “battle of the wits”, then you better be prepared to fight till the bitter end. Or, at least until your argument is proven invalid with no verbal ammo left to fire . No guts, no glory!

Beware, though… the odds of you walking away victorious, are slim to none.

Along with me possessing the skill to twist my opponent’s words into a jumbled pile of “who gives a shit”, I also have a knack for making them eat those very same words as well. Nothing like trying to choke down a mouthful of your own regurgitated bullshit… Mmm… Tasty!

But, alas… even the indestructible Superman found himself a victim, to his sole weakness; kryptonite. With me, that sole weakness goes by a slightly different name… Mom. She is the most bull headed, opinionated, delusional woman known to man! This woman will argue, fight, kick, bite, scream and curse your entire existence, relentlessly, over  something as simple as a public Handicapped parking spot, then walk off bragging of her success. Did I mention that it was a “Public” Handicapped spot…?  It doesn’t matter how much knowledge you hold, how little she knows herself or your level of skill in debate, you’re going to walk away a loser… on purpose…  just to save your own sanity.

So, what major issue do I agree to disagree upon, when dealing with my mother?

 ALL OF THEM!!! fc43875bab27a5756804b0973d544c56