Agree to Disagree…? You must have me confused with someone willing to compromise

Do you have a good friend or close relative with whom you disagree on a major issue (political, personal, cultural)? What’s the issue, and how do you make the relationship work?

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Agree to Disagree.”

First off, agreeing to disagree is nothing more than a “White Flag Waiver”, surrendering in defeat. And I’m hardly a “Quiter”. If you have enough guts to step up to the line and challenge me to a “battle of the wits”, then you better be prepared to fight till the bitter end. Or, at least until your argument is proven invalid with no verbal ammo left to fire . No guts, no glory!

Beware, though… the odds of you walking away victorious, are slim to none.

Along with me possessing the skill to twist my opponent’s words into a jumbled pile of “who gives a shit”, I also have a knack for making them eat those very same words as well. Nothing like trying to choke down a mouthful of your own regurgitated bullshit… Mmm… Tasty!

But, alas… even the indestructible Superman found himself a victim, to his sole weakness; kryptonite. With me, that sole weakness goes by a slightly different name… Mom. She is the most bull headed, opinionated, delusional woman known to man! This woman will argue, fight, kick, bite, scream and curse your entire existence, relentlessly, over  something as simple as a public Handicapped parking spot, then walk off bragging of her success. Did I mention that it was a “Public” Handicapped spot…?  It doesn’t matter how much knowledge you hold, how little she knows herself or your level of skill in debate, you’re going to walk away a loser… on purpose…  just to save your own sanity.

So, what major issue do I agree to disagree upon, when dealing with my mother?

 ALL OF THEM!!! fc43875bab27a5756804b0973d544c56

The Single Girl’s survival tips for the holiday season

Oh, how I loathe this time of year… with everyone frolicking about, eager to spread their contagious spouts of love and joy to all. Luckily, I always have my trusty ‘anti love-joy’ repellant handy to ward off such undesirable pests. One quick spray and they will go running in the opposite direction! (Note; works well on cupid and love bugs also)

You’re probably asking yourself right now “Where can I buy this amazing repellent that this wise woman speaks of?” Well, I will gladly whip you up a bottle for the low, low price of 99.99! (Pricey, I know. But a girl’s gotta eat! And buy shoes… okay, mainly just shoes. Don’t judge me…)

Unfortunately, as amazing as this spray is, it doesn’t work very well on family members. And as we all know… this time of year brings out the worst in our loved ones, especially for us single ladies. They are like an aggressive infestation of fleas, gnawing intently away on a dog’s ass in the dead of summer. Painful to bare and almost impossible to get rid of! They lurk in shadowy corners, waiting to pulverize your self esteem with their insensitive inquiries of your love life (or lack thereof) as you try to make your way to the bathroom. They call you out at the dinner table, complaining of how your solo status has offset their table seating. And we can always count on hearing the “When are you going to settle down and start a family of your own?” speech. All, guaranteeing you to go home and cry yourself to sleep in the fetal position at the end of the night.

While you may not be able to zap away these pesky relatives (legally, at least), that doesn’t mean you have to take their bullying lying down. You can armor yourself, to not only fight back, but possibly even ‘one up’ your dueling blood, with just a few small tips to follow. Here’s what you’ll need to be successful:

1.       Show up hung-over

This is a big one ladies! It will provide you with the shortness and sharp tongue necessary, that only last night’s bad choices can bring out, while in the company of family. Plus, a hangover always makes the food taste better.

2.       Bring your own holiday Spirit… Alcohol!

Drink till you’re merry… or drunk again! If you can’t stomach it due to the night before, serve it up to your relatives. The entertainment of drunken family always lifts the spirit, swear!

3.       Sarcasm. It’s a way of life!

If asked why you didn’t bring a date or if there is anyone special in your life right now, get creative in your response. An example: He couldn’t make it out of bed to join me; he’s still a little “tied up” from last night, if you know what I mean (followed by a wink). Or. Of course there’s someone special, all 10 of them are special to me!

Just remember to have fun with it… you may even become a new ‘favorite’ at the table in the process.

4.       Bring a female friend along

If your family is relentless and you can’t seem to derail them with alcohol or words… play the GAY card! Nothing leaves relatives speechless quicker than the unveiling of a shocking hidden secret. You can always come clean as you’re walking out the door… or play that card straight into the ground if you choose to. Whatever works best! Even if they don’t buy into your little fib, there’s a good chance you just won yourself a “not invited back next year” pass to redeem. Score!

From my dysfunctional family to yours, Best Wishes and Happy Holidays!

What I’ve learned so far…

 

I have learned to always be myself, even when it makes for awkward situations.

A front will always wear off.

That the world around you will continue. Even when you choose to sit idle.

Your heart will be broken by someone at least once in your life time.

A broken heart will heal if you let it…

People will let you down… often. It’s not always intentional though.

They will also surprise you when least you expect it.

Your dog will first and always be your best friend.

The “perfect person” is only a matter of an opinion.

Your opinion is merely that and nothing more. We all have one that differs at least slightly.

Your first impression isn’t always accurate.

There are three sides to every story. Yours, theirs and actuality…  perception can alter truth.

The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. But you won’t know for sure until you try

No matter what you have in mind for the future, it is going to do whatever it wants!

Just because you can doesn’t always mean you should.

I am only restricted by my own limits.

If you tell me I can’t I am going to wear myself out trying, just to prove you wrong.

Being made a fool of isn’t always so obvious…

No matter what I achieve I will always dream bigger.

If you back someone into a corner be prepared for them to strike.

A snake in the grass does not have to be cornered to feel threatened.

The moment you realize someone is not a friend, it is a moment too late.

Hate will destroy you if you let it consume you.

Speak your mind only when you want to. If you are being pressured to it will not be sincere.

Apologize when you are in the wrong and mean it!

Being the “bigger person” isn’t always easy but it is usually rewarding.

Not everyone will like you. You cannot change that without altering your true self

It’s okay to not be the center of attention in every situation.

Embrace new experiences… they are the keys you will need for unlocking new doorways in your future!