I cannot begin to describe the annoyance that builds within me when asked “Why are you still single? “. You might as well be asking “What’s wrong with you? “, both answers are the same. So here is my answer (detailed far beyond your desire with my own views added just for shits and giggles) to all inquiring minds. I bet next time you’ll think twice about asking after reading this!
Relationships these days… They no longer seem to be a union of two hearts but more so a “crutch” for many. It concerns me how some people can’t even spend a week being single before jumping into a new relationship or running back to the person that they just left. Especially if a person places themselves back in an unhealthy environment for no other reason than to serve as a “security blanket”. What happen to finding happiness within one’s self first and foremost? Why do so many people believe they need someone in their life to feel whole? Have we lost touch with ourselves so much that this certain mindset is now a requirement to feel happy? Personally this is one band wagon I have never been able to jump on. But do not confuse any of this as making me a bitter “man hater” with no desire to ever date again… That is hardly the case.
I have been single for almost two years now, following the separation and divorce from my ex-husband. Which I’m sure is making several of you raise an eyebrow along with judgment at this very moment. Save it! I have no intentions of deceiving anyone or falsifying my own experience in an attempt to validate my opinions. No, it hasn’t been the greatest two years of my life, but neither were the two years prior that I spent in a relationship. Did I choose to not get involved with anyone from the very beginning of these past two years you may wonder? The answer is no, I did nothing of the sort. Did I decline from every date I was asked out on? Hardly! Did I make poor decisions during moments of weakness fueled by loneliness? You bet your ass I did! Did I suffer through spells of bitterness and hatred? Um… have we met? Absolutely! I also drank excessively to numb my pain and cried myself to sleep more times than I would like to admit. I was self-destructive beyond a shadow of a doubt. But I couldn’t see the damage I was causing myself in those moments because I wasn’t allowing myself what I truly needed… time to heal.
What I did know was that in the midst of feeling betrayed by my ex I also lost my ability to trust my own thoughts and feelings. I doubted everything and everyone! And that was not something I could continue to ignore. I began to focus on “me” and more importantly my worth. Doing such made it easier to turn away any unwanted courtships, even in moments of loneliness. Of course I’ve had a slip up or two since, but nothing in comparison to what I had allowed only months prior. But at no point in my search to find myself have I ruled out dating completely. After all, the goal has never been to restrict myself of love indefinitely but to be proud of what I have to offer to another when that time comes.
As with any type of growth in life, be it physical or emotion, I became curious of how other people think and feel towards relationships and life in general. I chose to open my mind to other’s opinions and try to understand without inflicting my own personal judgments. I observed their actions in comparison to their words closely and unsuspectingly. The reward in doing such paid off impeccably! Imagine how differently a situation from your past could have turned out if you had been able to perceive it from five different angles at the same time. It also gave me back my confidence in being able to see people for what they truly are. I now feel like my own little version of Wonder Woman! Go ahead and let that sink in for a moment.
In conclusion, I am still single mainly because I have not met someone capable of filling the desires I require in a significant other. Many men may think they are Super Man, flying around, saving one little naive female heart at a time. But in truth most of them are nothing more than an over-sized ego, with a towel tied around their neck, portraying their self as the “Good Guy”.