The Single Girl’s survival tips for the holiday season

Oh, how I loathe this time of year… with everyone frolicking about, eager to spread their contagious spouts of love and joy to all. Luckily, I always have my trusty ‘anti love-joy’ repellant handy to ward off such undesirable pests. One quick spray and they will go running in the opposite direction! (Note; works well on cupid and love bugs also)

You’re probably asking yourself right now “Where can I buy this amazing repellent that this wise woman speaks of?” Well, I will gladly whip you up a bottle for the low, low price of 99.99! (Pricey, I know. But a girl’s gotta eat! And buy shoes… okay, mainly just shoes. Don’t judge me…)

Unfortunately, as amazing as this spray is, it doesn’t work very well on family members. And as we all know… this time of year brings out the worst in our loved ones, especially for us single ladies. They are like an aggressive infestation of fleas, gnawing intently away on a dog’s ass in the dead of summer. Painful to bare and almost impossible to get rid of! They lurk in shadowy corners, waiting to pulverize your self esteem with their insensitive inquiries of your love life (or lack thereof) as you try to make your way to the bathroom. They call you out at the dinner table, complaining of how your solo status has offset their table seating. And we can always count on hearing the “When are you going to settle down and start a family of your own?” speech. All, guaranteeing you to go home and cry yourself to sleep in the fetal position at the end of the night.

While you may not be able to zap away these pesky relatives (legally, at least), that doesn’t mean you have to take their bullying lying down. You can armor yourself, to not only fight back, but possibly even ‘one up’ your dueling blood, with just a few small tips to follow. Here’s what you’ll need to be successful:

1.       Show up hung-over

This is a big one ladies! It will provide you with the shortness and sharp tongue necessary, that only last night’s bad choices can bring out, while in the company of family. Plus, a hangover always makes the food taste better.

2.       Bring your own holiday Spirit… Alcohol!

Drink till you’re merry… or drunk again! If you can’t stomach it due to the night before, serve it up to your relatives. The entertainment of drunken family always lifts the spirit, swear!

3.       Sarcasm. It’s a way of life!

If asked why you didn’t bring a date or if there is anyone special in your life right now, get creative in your response. An example: He couldn’t make it out of bed to join me; he’s still a little “tied up” from last night, if you know what I mean (followed by a wink). Or. Of course there’s someone special, all 10 of them are special to me!

Just remember to have fun with it… you may even become a new ‘favorite’ at the table in the process.

4.       Bring a female friend along

If your family is relentless and you can’t seem to derail them with alcohol or words… play the GAY card! Nothing leaves relatives speechless quicker than the unveiling of a shocking hidden secret. You can always come clean as you’re walking out the door… or play that card straight into the ground if you choose to. Whatever works best! Even if they don’t buy into your little fib, there’s a good chance you just won yourself a “not invited back next year” pass to redeem. Score!

From my dysfunctional family to yours, Best Wishes and Happy Holidays!

Lodged by Robert Frost

The rain to the wind said,
‘You push and I’ll pelt.’
They so smote the garden bed
That the flowers actually knelt,
And lay lodged–though not dead.
I know how the flowers felt.

This poem, by Robert Frost, holds much meaning for me. It reminds me of my childhood and the suffering I endured due to my very own family. Does this poem hold any personal meaning for you? What is your take on its meaning?

I Will Not…

I will not trade this soul of glass
For one that masks my every wrath
Nor bury it in fear of shame
To protect what little pride remain
But drape it gently across my heart
As a window in, to view my scars

I will not let my eyes shift south
Should sorrow beckon to stain my cheek
Nor hang my head in a moment’s doubt
As affliction impels me to silently weep

I will not stand upon your field
Unarmored, with no sword no shield
Nor turn my back for you to strike
Upon me blindly, as a coward might

I will not question reason’s end
Where intent could only be presumed
Nor hope the bond of friendship mend
As cryptic jabs spill forth with truth

So many memories to evade…
Stagnant
Reeking
Lies
Betrayed

Betrayal

I have fallen to my knees without a prayer in mind

I stand just to appease my pride

Betrayal stains the vision red

What once was pure no longer treads

Venom drips from parted lips

It drizzles down upon rage clenched fists

Restraint weakens with every bend

Heinous words of my enemy shall never sting like those of a friend

My Devoted Scarecrow

My devoted scarecrow

I know that you shall never feel

You gaze without emotion

Your stance is firm and oh so still

Your purpose pokes at my frustration

I grasp at your inner being; it falls short within my hands

I plea for you to give me reason, you know nothing of our circumstance

I pieced you together from my own broken heart

Fragments that sealed your fate from the start

Now we stand on this lonesome road…

One broken, one built to never speak

With the strike of a match we must part

Your remnants fall to ash beneath my feet

Clouded Views; Cross the Lines and Question the Gut!

We’ve all drawn that proverbial ‘line in the sand’ at some point or another. You know the type of line… drawn by our own conscience to serve as a boundary. In hopes that we will be able to refrain ourselves from doing that which we know we shouldn’t but still desire.   

The problem with this self-drawn line is that no one is keeping guard on the other side. Meaning, at any given time we hold the power to not only step over the line but also to cover it up completely. Like it never even existed… 

With that being said, it leaves the question, why even bother drawing it in the first place? If our moral compass doesn’t lead us in the opposite direction, who are we to fight against it? What’s the worst thing that could happen by crossing it? Is this not, after all, how we learn from our mistakes?

This is also where intuition enters in, proving to be the master key! We all carry this key with us but so often stash it away, questioning its validity as a whole and causing ourselves unnecessary grief. Only to find out in the end that it held all the knowledge needed within itself. But, do we learn…?  More often than not, we don’t. Why is it so difficult for us to accept our own ‘gut feeling’ in this scenario and yet so easy to justify breaking it in the other?   

 

For me, the answer is quite simple. My intuition stands out clearly whenever I first meet someone, as does it with most people. When it tells me that someone’s character is questionable or instantly indicates ‘dislike’, I struggle to accept such quick judgment, even from my own self. It’s not an easy task to just accept that someone isn’t ‘good’ without any rhyme or reason. Sadly, this is also where much of my regret stems from as it comes back around to bite me. But the regret I’ve endured has never been enough to alter my choice.

 

My reason for continuing to repeat this less than desirable cycle… lies in my uncertainty of knowing which would bare more regret in the end; challenging my intuition and learning that it was right or accepting it wholly without any question.

Which would you choose?